well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
