dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
