why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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