i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
