So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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