walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
