At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
