Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
