She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
