i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
