my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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