sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
