the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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