One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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