Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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