I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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