that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
