Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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