making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
