i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
