Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
