Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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