eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
how does that bad decision feel?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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