my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize