How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
