in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
