i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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