highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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