i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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