he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
