Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
