the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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