before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
