oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
