Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
