Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
FUCK WHALES
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
