Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
porn star boner night. come get it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
