i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
