I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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