she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
