highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
