Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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