Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
