She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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