dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
