Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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