WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
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Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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