It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
