just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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