Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
