i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
