She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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