I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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