Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
