we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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