I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
