Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
