threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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