Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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