i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
