I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
