uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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