I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
