I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
