How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
