i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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