I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
