I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
