Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
